Cold Season🍃

 Dear moon shine,

will the day be peaceful? 

i just feel like i lost hopes, the purpose has gone

it feels like i miss my smile

so where does those butterflies go? 

clearly i can't see anything forward

what should i do, when will it be, why did it happen, who is responsible and how long this train is?

every day is cold, so does my heart.

reflect to those nights, where the stars are shining.

oh how i miss those unforgettable nights, now that all gone. im holding on God's grace, knowing that He Is Great.

and the hush in my heart won't ever stop their worlds.

LYWNE, S I L

If i can say my 2023 begins with undesireable things. Thought i was better than yesterday i was mature than last year, it was all wrong. I am not her yet, one thing that makes me still stay is however i try to avoid it, I'll just make it worse. Moreover as long as you havent reached heaven, it won't be easy forever. I keep telling myself 'you ok, you alright, everything's gonna be fine' but always ended up disappointed with myself. Sometimes i keep telling myself to stop pretend. I was so pissed off when that thing was coming to my mind. Keep pushing and arguing all alone with my own self.

Lately was never been easy. I was the one who has to blame for all of the stupid shit happened. You think im insane huh? Cause yeah i think I'm not myself right now. I am not who i was. Some of my friends maybe seeing me out of control lately maybe they seeing me being crazy over something that i shouldn't do that. If only you were asking how am i right now, am i not ashame at all? Am i really doing it sobber? If only i can control myself and i have something that i can hold on to. It's all my coping mechanism, you don't know how hard it is for me to understand my own feeling, to understand what i really want and to understand how hard it is to be me. Call me anything you want, im fanatic, im crazy, im shameless, im insane, im dumb, just call me anything. At least you still can see me being uncontrollable rather than not at all.

I've spent so many nights, seeing the lights, seeing the dark. The life with so many color, the life that I've never seen before. Im tripping sometimes, rising sometimes. Losing a hope but never last long. I used to wrote so many feelings on a paper, till the 'i can't write it out anymore. I'm more like i should be quite than overactive cause i might get regret easily.

Happy birthday little elf🧚‍♀️ 

Cheers for the 21 years and more beautiful years ahead. Loving You Was Not Easy, So I Learned.

P.s. these words are from different times, i put it all in one just to remember how full of mix emotions life is.

wherever you are, whenever it is

The sun shines its planet as the moon fill the darkness

The ring rounds the saturn as you completes my life

Wherever you are, still be near to me

As you are the cloud in my sky, without you im just blue

Seems the bee itinerant for a flower crown but just looking at you I have found my honey

.

.

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Rosa so grateful to found you in life, my saturn! 

6 months ago you were only a man who Rosa just knew from a series. You are not my first sight love but you will always be Rosa's sight love.  

Someday I'll tell you how wide my world is, how wide my smile is, how changed my life is, on the day i just found you

Thank u for being the saturn that ring needed.

Thank u for every word you wanna tell us that you love us.

Thank u for being the inspiration we needed.

Thank u for being Jeff Satur who SATs love the most.

the shooting scars

Everyday im trying to be okay

Every night im trying to be fine, even though its hard

Not the world is too cruel for me but i am too hard for my own self

I put it all on me, seems the toughest enemy is my own self

I might can't change how the world works

But i can change the way my thoughts work.

'Ssshhhh you're gonna be fine'

It cant always be like that

'Okay You'll pass this, the best future is waiting for you, keeping on!'

Believe that tomorrow will be the night that i can't forget

Kind regards,

Someone who needs support but she just got her own self tonight

P.s. im okay tonight, dont mind me.