𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗩𝗘;

on my lowest days

when the rain is pouring along with my tears dropped

I wanted you to know

that myself is still alive 

with a dark shadow who keeps haunting me

with a shady tree that mild but I'm afraid off

with every unanswered questions. 

I still alive because I must

although it's hard but my heart keeps beating

with the same tempo where my tears dropped

𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓘'𝓶 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓻𝔂.

it hurts when I knew you were just one of the phases in my life
I wish you weren't, but right now there's nothing left in my heart
you were the precious when I 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶
I wish you stayed forever like I used to say to you
although it'll pass but I hope I'll find you in another universe too
I hope you feel it too
thank you for being that precious
I smiled whenever I hear your name
I cried happily whenever I see you smile, even now
I wish you happy too, today and forever

Wasted Times

 I am not an easy person. for myself. i blame myself a lot. i doubt myself a lot. even i play hard to my own self, not willing to forgive and forget all of the mistakes i did back then. i usually ask someone's coping mechanism every time i see someone in their low day. i feel like im in charge for make them to not blaming their own self. but it turns out i am not able to do that to myself. i find it so hard to move on and just living today's life. looking at for the dreams i wrote, i just can explain it all said that i need to focus more on the future. i just didn't realize how it could be easier if i only focus on the future and forgive myself. 

also it wasn't wrong at all when i said i am my own enemy. i hope i can just forgive my mistakes and just let it be, since i can't change the past. i hope everyone who reads this can relate and understand how human being just also made completely with flaws. forgive and foget. things aren't easy to do. so just keep living and move on to the future. every second we take will be easier when we only focus on the future. 화이팅 สู้ๆนะคะ 加油 ！！！ 

p.s. you can take my heart with you, it's FREE! >.<

When did i fall asleep?

when was the heaviest thing lodged in your heart?

when was it? where were you?

did it coop you up? was it heavy? in your mind?

i keep questioning those words in my mind. hoping that someday I'll stop questioning. it was all bad dreams, but when did i fall asleep?

𝓖𝓸𝓭'𝓼

And in the end, loneliness is nothing for me

even if i have to walk in this earth all alone, I'm fine

it's even better than i have to walk with someone i don't trust

so warm that the wind will give me the God's hug

and the same with the rain will be there for me too

I'm not frustrated, i just want to write what i want 

isn't it good? feeling ok watching people go 

1 by 1

Cold Season🍃

 Dear moon shine,

will the day be peaceful? 

i just feel like i lost hopes, the purpose has gone

it feels like i miss my smile

so where does those butterflies go? 

clearly i can't see anything forward

what should i do, when will it be, why did it happen, who is responsible and how long this train is?

every day is cold, so does my heart.

reflect to those nights, where the stars are shining.

oh how i miss those unforgettable nights, now that all gone. im holding on God's grace, knowing that He Is Great.

and the hush in my heart won't ever stop their worlds.

LYWNE, S I L

If i can say my 2023 begins with undesireable things. Thought i was better than yesterday i was mature than last year, it was all wrong. I am not her yet, one thing that makes me still stay is however i try to avoid it, I'll just make it worse. Moreover as long as you havent reached heaven, it won't be easy forever. I keep telling myself 'you ok, you alright, everything's gonna be fine' but always ended up disappointed with myself. Sometimes i keep telling myself to stop pretend. I was so pissed off when that thing was coming to my mind. Keep pushing and arguing all alone with my own self.

Lately was never been easy. I was the one who has to blame for all of the stupid shit happened. You think im insane huh? Cause yeah i think I'm not myself right now. I am not who i was. Some of my friends maybe seeing me out of control lately maybe they seeing me being crazy over something that i shouldn't do that. If only you were asking how am i right now, am i not ashame at all? Am i really doing it sobber? If only i can control myself and i have something that i can hold on to. It's all my coping mechanism, you don't know how hard it is for me to understand my own feeling, to understand what i really want and to understand how hard it is to be me. Call me anything you want, im fanatic, im crazy, im shameless, im insane, im dumb, just call me anything. At least you still can see me being uncontrollable rather than not at all.

I've spent so many nights, seeing the lights, seeing the dark. The life with so many color, the life that I've never seen before. Im tripping sometimes, rising sometimes. Losing a hope but never last long. I used to wrote so many feelings on a paper, till the 'i can't write it out anymore. I'm more like i should be quite than overactive cause i might get regret easily.

Happy birthday little elf🧚‍♀️ 

Cheers for the 21 years and more beautiful years ahead. Loving You Was Not Easy, So I Learned.

P.s. these words are from different times, i put it all in one just to remember how full of mix emotions life is.